As mentioned in my previous post, this has been quite the interesting season. I have had moments of doubt, frustration, anxiety, worry...you name it, I have probably felt it at some point over the last several months. However, God has once again proven faithful in the gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) reminders that have touched my life the last couple of weeks. As I am sure many of you are now aware, I am a cathartic writer and find my external processing to be, for a lack of a better word, healing. I hope, in some way, shape or form, that this catharsis might be helpful for you.
For the last several months, I have had what I like to call the "woe is me" complex complete with self-pity, loathing of current life circumstance, and all around misery. It was never my intention to get to that place, but lo and behold, there I ended up. I now have a Master's degree in Human Services Counseling (if you would like an explanation, feel free to ask!), and I just kept waiting for the magical door to open up that would lead me to my bright and glittering future filled with candy land and flashy lights. Okay, it wasn't quite that extravagant, but it was close! And therein, my dear friends, lies the problem. All I did was wait.
I am a very active person and have always been that way. Sitting for long periods of time (unless I am shamelessly binge-watching Gilmore Girls) tends to drive me bonkers. So, in this period of "waiting," I had successfully found a way to drive myself nuts without even realizing it. Over the last couple of weeks, I have had some pretty awesome God conversations with some very incredible friends. Through the process of sharing life with the incredible support network I have, God has been so faithful to remind me that I have spent way too much time chasing my call instead of my Caller, and in doing so, I have been blinded to the countless opportunities right here and now staring me in the face.
When you go to Bible school, they don't necessarily have classes on getting rid of the rose-colored glasses so many of us approach ministry with. They don't necessarily tell you that you might not step into the ministry of your dreams right off the bat, but that's okay. The one thing I do remember being told was to first and foremost chase God. Sure, that sounds hunky dory and all, but I just knew that the brightly labeled door to my future would swing wide open with pomp and circumstance to greet me. As I found out in a not so pleasant way, that's not quite how that worked out. However, the truth that was given to me in my undergrad hit me upside the head in such a beautiful way the last several weeks. I am not instructed to chase my call; I am instructed to chase the One who calls. In all reality, this really simplifies life. Instead of worrying about what door will open or when it's going to happen, there is such rest in knowing that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing: chasing Him. Part of my writing process is knowing that I have a visible reminder when I want to go into crazy mode again. Now I know that this transitional season will still have ups and downs, but I am thankful to be reminded of such simple yet powerful truths. I am thankful for friends who will walk with me and let me ramble on for hours as I process through what God is speaking into my life.
Speaking of friends, I have really talented ones who preach sermons that I can now look back and watch from time-to-time. This particular message was about finding purpose in my process. How true this has been for my life. As I look back over the last year, I see nothing but opportunity. I have a great group of teenagers that I get to hang out with on a weekly basis who seem to enjoy my company. What a treat! I have spoken to several youth groups and in front of an ENTIRE STATE of youth a message that God so timely placed on my heart. There is opportunity all around me, and it is time to stop waiting and embrace the life that God has given me right here and right now. Do I still believe in the calling on my life? Absolutely. Do I believe in chasing God more? You better believe it. Of the many things I have learned about God, His faithfulness is something I am constantly reminded of. It is time for me to stop squandering (and whining) and know that I serve a God so much greater and bigger than myself. If you're feeling lost and not sure of what God is up to in your life or when your magic carpet ride into the future is going to come, I encourage you to stop chasing "it" and start chasing Him. Scripture tells us that God works everything for the good of those who love Him, and while this is not quite contextually accurate, I believe it still holds validity. This season really is difficult, and there is unfortunately not a manual for post-graduation blues. However, there is a God who sees and cares and holds us in the palm of His hand.
Psalm 8:4 - "What is man that you are mindful that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?"
Who am I? I am God's kid. My whole heart and devotion belongs to Him.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
In Him,
Em
