Therapeutic Rambling One Last Time

I cannot believe it has been over a year since I last posted on this blog. Life has kept rolling right on by, and so much has changed.

For those who do not know, I am now fortunate enough to get the opportunity to minister to a group of teenage girls on a very regular basis (considering I live right above them). I took a position at a Teen Challenge here in Kansas back in August, and it has honestly been such a God-ordained move. For so long I fought God on the call I knew He was giving me. You see, I did not want to do residential treatment because I wanted my own life. Working as much as I do does not really grant much time for dating (no, I am not seeing anyone), friends, or any other such activities. While I do get some social time, I live a very taxing life.

But this ministry has taught me something so unbelievably valuable - the beauty of being on my knees.

I struggle with perfectionism and have for a very long time. I want to get it done and get it done right the first time. In every job I've ever had, I have caught on very quickly. However, people are not an antiquated formula. They do not always possess logic or rationale. We, as humans, are filled with emotion and impulse. We rely on feeling instead of intellect and face the consequence of acting without thought. However, it is a beautiful gift to be able to invest in the lives of teenage girls and to pray for the wisdom and grace to help them discover their best selves. My counseling degree is in full force as I watch young women learn what it means to not only see Christ but choose him. The beauty of working for a Christian organization is that it allows me to point my kids entirely back to Christ. It has also taught me how much I've relied on myself throughout the years. Ministry has given me a whole new lens to see the world through, and that is the lens of true dependence on Christ. I have been a Christ-follower for most of my life, but it is in this season that I am seeing just how much I truly need him. Everything has come relatively easy, and working with people is anything but that. Perfectionism goes right out the window when dealing with imperfect people (including myself). But grace abounds all the more. Though this has been the most taxing job I have ever had, it has also been the most rewarding. I have watched young ladies choose Jesus (in fact, I got to lead one in a salvation prayer!!) and struggle with what it means to accept. I have laughed, and I have cried, but more importantly, I've seen small glimpses of the love our Savior has for each and every one of us. I am reminded of my own humanity and how fortunate I am to be covered in grace. No matter how many times I fall, God always has and always will pick me back up. I am learning more now than I ever thought possible, and that is a gift I will treasure for the rest of my life.

I am honestly not sure how often I will continue to use this blog as it feels like this chapter of my life has now come to a close. I will, however, continue to follow the pages God has penned for me. For those who have walked this journey with me (whether through word or in person), thank you. I am sure I will continue to find ways to share my thoughts with the world. But for now, I think my passionate ramblings on this particular site must come to an end. For every open ear and heart, thank you. You all mean more than you will ever know.

In Christ,
Em

Chase the Caller

As mentioned in my previous post, this has been quite the interesting season. I have had moments of doubt, frustration, anxiety, worry...you name it, I have probably felt it at some point over the last several months. However, God has once again proven faithful in the gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) reminders that have touched my life the last couple of weeks. As I am sure many of you are now aware, I am a cathartic writer and find my external processing to be, for a lack of a better word, healing. I hope, in some way, shape or form, that this catharsis might be helpful for you.

For the last several months, I have had what I like to call the "woe is me" complex complete with self-pity, loathing of current life circumstance, and all around misery. It was never my intention to get to that place, but lo and behold, there I ended up. I now have a Master's degree in Human Services Counseling (if you would like an explanation, feel free to ask!), and I just kept waiting for the magical door to open up that would lead me to my bright and glittering future filled with candy land and flashy lights. Okay, it wasn't quite that extravagant, but it was close! And therein, my dear friends, lies the problem. All I did was wait.

I am a very active person and have always been that way. Sitting for long periods of time (unless I am shamelessly binge-watching Gilmore Girls) tends to drive me bonkers. So, in this period of "waiting," I had successfully found a way to drive myself nuts without even realizing it. Over the last couple of weeks, I have had some pretty awesome God conversations with some very incredible friends. Through the process of sharing life with the incredible support network I have, God has been so faithful to remind me that I have spent way too much time chasing my call instead of my Caller, and in doing so, I have been blinded to the countless opportunities right here and now staring me in the face.

When you go to Bible school, they don't necessarily have classes on getting rid of the rose-colored glasses so many of us approach ministry with. They don't necessarily tell you that you might not step into the ministry of your dreams right off the bat, but that's okay. The one thing I do remember being told was to first and foremost chase God. Sure, that sounds hunky dory and all, but I just knew that the brightly labeled door to my future would swing wide open with pomp and circumstance to greet me. As I found out in a not so pleasant way, that's not quite how that worked out. However, the truth that was given to me in my undergrad hit me upside the head in such a beautiful way the last several weeks. I am not instructed to chase my call; I am instructed to chase the One who calls. In all reality, this really simplifies life. Instead of worrying about what door will open or when it's going to happen, there is such rest in knowing that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing: chasing Him. Part of my writing process is knowing that I have a visible reminder when I want to go into crazy mode again. Now I know that this transitional season will still have ups and downs, but I am thankful to be reminded of such simple yet powerful truths. I am thankful for friends who will walk with me and let me ramble on for hours as I process through what God is speaking into my life.

Speaking of friends, I have really talented ones who preach sermons that I can now look back and watch from time-to-time. This particular message was about finding purpose in my process. How true this has been for my life. As I look back over the last year, I see nothing but opportunity. I have a great group of teenagers that I get to hang out with on a weekly basis who seem to enjoy my company. What a treat! I have spoken to several youth groups and in front of an ENTIRE STATE of youth a message that God so timely placed on my heart. There is opportunity all around me, and it is time to stop waiting and embrace the life that God has given me right here and right now. Do I still believe in the calling on my life? Absolutely. Do I believe in chasing God more? You better believe it. Of the many things I have learned about God, His faithfulness is something I am constantly reminded of. It is time for me to stop squandering (and whining) and know that I serve a God so much greater and bigger than myself. If you're feeling lost and not sure of what God is up to in your life or when your magic carpet ride into the future is going to come, I encourage you to stop chasing "it" and start chasing Him. Scripture tells us that God works everything for the good of those who love Him, and while this is not quite contextually accurate, I believe it still holds validity. This season really is difficult, and there is unfortunately not a manual for post-graduation blues. However, there is a God who sees and cares and holds us in the palm of His hand.

Psalm 8:4 - "What is man that you are mindful that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?"

Who am I? I am God's kid. My whole heart and devotion belongs to Him.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,
Em

Transition.

Per the excellent advice of my dear friend Steph, I am taking this opportunity to flesh out my thoughts and feelings regarding this particular stage of my life. This is raw honesty, so I completely understand if you wish to move right along to the next exciting item that comes across your newsfeed. J Otherwise, feel free to read right along!

Transition. Sometimes it flat stinks.

As many of you know, I just recently finished my Masters degree this past July and have been seeking God’s next step for my life. With seemingly little to show for it, my search has come back empty time and time again. Every time someone asks how the job hunt is going, I feel the weight of having no idea what my future holds. (I genuinely appreciate all interest in what I am up to in my life! This is just honesty time. Also, joking about staying in Wichita makes me want to pull my hair out…just so everyone is clear! I know no one means any harm by it, it just feels like added weight for a girl who is already feeling so burdened.) Now, I know in the absolute depths of my heart and soul that God has got this. I know His will and His timing are divine and completely perfect; however, this does not mean my human self does not get frustrated or wonder what in the world is going on.

This all really came to a head for me last week when a job I had been pursuing told me they were going to go in a different direction. I am a dreamer by nature, and I put my whole heart and soul into whatever it is that I am chasing after. I often get swept up in the endless possibilities and let the ever-present realities slip out of my scope. Oftentimes, this ends up leaving me utterly heartbroken and disappointed. This, dear friends, is exactly what happened when I received the email telling me my experience was not quite what they were after. This job seemed like such a perfect opportunity for me, and I knew that it could open so many other doors. The rejection was such a crushing blow, and I did not even realize it would have the impact it did. This past weekend is the lowest I have felt in such a long time, but it made me deal with my own expectations in light of eternity. It is so easy to get wrapped up in chasing the dream that I forget about the One who gives me the dreams and desires. I know with all my heart that God has called me to something much higher than myself, and it’s not for me, but for Him. My degree will serve me in more ways than I could ever imagine, and even though I cannot see all the colors on the canvas, I trust the One who holds the brush. Yes, I am discouraged. Yes, I feel the weight of not having any clue as to where to go or where to look, but I will rest in the One who has always held me.

In this difficult time, I am blown away by the support I have standing with me, beside me, and behind me. Everyone says they have the best friends, but I am 100% confident that I really and truly do. I am so appreciative of being allowed to be a human who hurts and bleeds just like everyone else. Pain and frustration are very real, and I am thankful for the opportunity to work through every emotion and thought that comes with the ups and downs of life. Now, please don’t take this blog as a sympathy plea. I really debated about even posting this for everyone’s eyes, but as someone who believes in therapeutic release (thanks, counseling degree!), I needed this. I will be okay, and I know there are so many bigger fish out there to fry. This is just the current mountain staring me in the face.

This past week, God has really been reminding me to seek Him first and pursue Him with all that I am and all that I have. Jesus speaks to this in Matthew: “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt. 6:33, ESV). Even when I can’t see the light or the end to this winding road, I know God is right there…when the path gets rocky, when I can’t find my footing, when I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. He is and will always be all I need. I know He is preparing something, but I would just ask that you pray with me for patience and rest. While I know all these things, I am only human, and my humanity has been in full force these last few days. God’s patience and grace never ceases to amaze me, even when I have hit empty.

So, if you want to know how the job hunt is going, it’s rocky. However, I am going to continually chase after the One who has my whole life mapped out. He will continue to reveal in His timing, and above all, I know He will continue to be faithful. No matter how many times I lay at His feet broken, defeated, and crushed, He will always be faithful.

Per the advice of another dear friend, I have been listening to Thirst by Phil Wickham on repeat. Maybe you’re like me and need to be reminded of a God who completely satisfies:

“Wash over me like a tidal wave

Clean out what pulls me to the grave

Nothing left that You don’t love

Take me where Your river flows

Heal the desert in my soul

Let it wash over my feet

All I’m asking for is just a drink

I thirst for You

Yes my soul it thirsts for You

Even as the deer is panting for the stream

Even while my soul is thirsty

I thirst for You”

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,

Em

Following the Breadcrumbs

I am a little over three weeks away from officially completing my program, and let me just tell you, it's an amazing feeling! Being on Regent's campus was such a wonderful experience, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly how I was supposed to spend my last 10 months. I have learned, I have grown, and most importantly, I have gained a greater understanding of who God is and how he is at work in my life and in the world around me.

Now that I am (almost) done with my Master's, the age-old question of what next is coming at me from every which direction. I have some very big dreams and some very strong passions, but for now, I will just follow the breadcrumbs.

Over the last few weeks, I have been sending resumes all over the country. What a scary yet exhilarating feeling!! More often than not, I am being redirected to new ministries and new people to contact. Just as an example, my resume has made a paper trail from Virginia Beach all the way to Wisconsin! While nothing has led to a job, I feel myself going down a winding road that will lead me to somewhere beyond my wildest dreams. No, I have absolutely no idea where I am going next. No, I have absolutely no possible job leads at the moment. Yes, I do serve a God who is directing every step and will lead me to the right door. God has been telling me to just follow his breadcrumbs. No matter how many times I am directed and then redirected, I know that God is doing a work in my heart and life. I have no idea where this trail will lead, but I trust that God is faithful.

Do I have my anxious moments? Of course I do. I am only human. However, if I have learned nothing else, God seems to be much more about the journey than about the destination. I am thankful for the chance to gain a deeper understanding of the God I serve and to experience his little bits of encouragement along the way. Every new contact feels like a brand new horizon that has endless possibilities. I am looking out at the twisting, curving road ahead of me, and even though I do not know where I will land, the adventure is thrilling.

As I wait and trust, God is reminding me to be faithful in where I am. Being in Wichita is no mistake nor is it just something to tide me over. I am here for a reason, and for however long I am here, I want to make the most of every moment.

So, if you ask me what's next, some version of this post is what I will tell you. While it's nothing concrete, I know that the end result will be far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed. If you think about it, pray for me. Even though I know that God has this all under control, prayers act as support and encouragement in the times I need it most.

I'll keep you posted. :)

In Him,
Em

The Beauty of the Cross

It has seemingly been forever since the last time I rambled, so here I am, ready to ramble on!

In a little over two weeks, I head out to the land of oceans and unbelievable scenery to hug the necks of some of my very dearest friends. Oh, and I guess I need to do the school thing while I'm there. I cannot believe that Residency is almost here, and that in a little over three months, I will have completed my Masters. That, my friends, is unreal.

This journey has been one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had. I have always believed in the beauty of counseling and have seen its power at work many times in my life and in the lives of others. However, my heart for it has grown in ways that I did not even know possible. Through the assignments and projects, God has equipped me with some tangible tools that I know will help me in my future endeavors (whatever they may be)! While it has been an exhausting (both emotionally and mentally) ride, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God had His hand on this.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you have just fallen in love with God all over again? That is what the last eight months have been, and they have been unreal. During my Spring Break (I'm really going to miss those when I go back to the real world), I read an amazing book called The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler. I feel as if every single person should pick up a copy of this book and give it a read. It took me forever to get through just because I oftentimes sat and marveled at how awesome of a God we serve. Outside of the Bible, I have never read a book that has been more convicting, encouraging, overwhelming, and awe-inspiring, and I know it will impact your life.

In Chandler's book, he brings us back to the simple yet profound basis of our Christian faith: the cross of Jesus Christ. Now, if you're like me, you have heard about Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection for like ever. I was in Christmas plays, Easter plays, the whole works. This is a story I have heard so many times that I cannot even count. Because of this, its power became all too familiar to me. One of my greatest role models once told me that familiarity breeds complacency, and sadly, I had become complacent with the saving power of the cross of Jesus Christ. However, as I read the pages of this book, the beauty of that gift came alive to me again. As tears poured down my face, it was like I was experiencing my salvation for the first time. I know that I am a sinner and have just as many human flaws as the next person. I know that I do not deserve God's grace. And here came Jesus...a perfect, spotless lamb, who took on flesh and humbled himself, so that I could have a way to spend eternity with Him. We oftentimes remember that God is a God of love and all those other warm, fuzzy qualities that make us want to do little jigs of joy. However, we seem to forget that God is also a God of wrath, justice, and righteousness. God had to make his perfect justice, righteousness, wrath, grace, mercy, love, etc., come together and they did just this through the blood of Jesus Christ. There is nothing that made God choose to do this. He doesn't need us. I think that's another downfall of our lovely human nature; we sometimes think we are indispensable when it comes to Kingdom plans. This is far from true because God is self-sufficient, and that makes this choice even more beautiful. God loved me that much to let my selfish, sinful nature be reconciled and redeemed through the blood of His Son. Let the gravity of that hit you because it's powerful. That is what Christianity is. I pray we never lose the power of that gift for it is the foundation of our very faith.

I have also been marveling at the creation of God. The Explicit Gospel draws attention to the fact that God's redemptive plan goes far beyond just you and me; this is a global thing. All of His creation is inwardly groaning for the day when full restoration will come. I am such a nature freak, and God speaks to me in amazing ways when I am surrounded by the beauty He created. However, every beautiful sunset I see, every mountain peak I marvel at, every expansive ocean that blows my mind is only a fraction of the fully restored beauty that will be when Christ returns. I do not know about the rest of you, but that blows my mind and completely excites me. It also makes me feel really small. If nothing else, God has reminded me of the importance of humility and the absolute majestic and awe-inspiring nature of who He is.

Easter is just around the corner, and I challenge you, don't ever let the gravity of the gift of the cross slip away from you. Take a moment to step outside and marvel at the beautiful world God has given you and find hope in the fact that this is only a glimmer of the ultimate beauty that is to come.

This was a long one, but since I was avoiding reading about counseling teenagers (woah, buddy!), I figured I'd spill out some thoughts.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,
Em

Happily Ever After

During a discussion with my young adult group on relationships, my mind started whirring with millions of little thoughts. Because writing has always been therapeutic for me, I thought I’d jot (or type) some of the down.

Like most other girls, I am completely enthralled by a good love story. Set me with up with The Notebook, a box of Kleenex, and some chocolate, and we have the makings of an exceptionally awesome Friday night. Anyone who knows me even moderately well would also know that I am HIGHLY addicted to a current TV series called Once Upon a Time. I have been intrigued with Disney princesses since an early age, and I love watching them each get their happily ever after. My favorite growing up was Ariel, and much to my delight, her story-line is now incorporated into this fairytale world. What’s my point?

Hollywood has disillusioned us to reality.

Do I believe in love? Yes. Do I believe that couples can have happy endings? Yes. Do I believe it’s all magic and roses? No.

The one aspect of Once Upon a Time that I have always loved is that the characters have to fight for their happy ending. Unlike most representations of fairytale love stories, it isn’t just handed to them on a silver platter. While there are several unrealistic qualities (like the whole show in general – don’t hate, it’s awesome), I have always appreciated the writers’ need to incorporate some sense of real life.

In our young adult discussion, the principle of infatuation was brought up. As with seemingly every Hollywood story, this is the basis of what our society deems as a good romance. The characters meet, fall head over heels, and in the case of my beloved Ariel and Eric, are married within days. This may also contribute to the lack of successful marriages we seem to be witnessing. What is meant to be a beautiful and holy union has been turned into a circus act. If it isn’t convenient or appealing within a few months (the infatuation has left), let’s just call it quits and find something else that tickles our fancy.

What are we teaching the younger generation?

Like many others, I have been ensnared by the false reality of what my fairytale would look like. I envisioned my knight in shining armor coming in the room, our eyes meeting, and instantaneously knowing that this was the man of my dreams. We spend so much of our lives looking for these fleeting feelings that we forget what a beautiful romance is founded on: God.

In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, we are given many descriptions of what love is. To name a few, love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking, it does not delight in wrong, etc. Nowhere in there does Paul say love is built on fleeting feelings and emotional highs that last only a short time. Love is built on a solid foundation of mutual respect and a deep and unbelievable awareness of the need for God. It always troubles me when couples are engaged within months because I wonder if the fleeting feelings have been given a chance to make way for a solid friendship and partnership. So often we see that Hollywood’s kind of love is anything but patient, kind, not proud, not self-seeking, not boastful, and not delighting in other’s wrongs; Hollywood’s version seems to be just the opposite.

In my very limited experience, I have seen many couples experience a lot of hardship after the euphoria has gone away. The couples that have lasted seemed to have a relationship built not on emotions and impulsive feelings but on respect, partnership, and a grounding in God. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in enjoying the moment that we forget to include God in the decision. In watching our short video at group the other night, the speaker reminded us that next to accepting Christ, picking who you are going to marry is the most important decision. I don’t know about you other single people, but I want a love built on something that’s going to last.

Do I think I know it all? Absolutely not. I am nowhere close to having this “love” thing figured out. However, I am trying to learn all I can so as to not let myself be swept up in fantasy world that doesn’t exist.

Will I continue to watch sappy love stories? You better believe it. I still get lots of entertainment out of them. But, that is just what their purpose should be. Entertainment. As much as I love me some Prince Eric and Ariel, I am going to base my relationship on the stuff that will last.

Am I making an announcement? No, I’m sure not. I am not dating anyone, and I am perfectly happy with that. Singleness is certainly far from a curse, and I am enjoying every blessing that comes with this season. But, whenever God deems fit, I will be reminding myself of a forever love that surpasses any and all Hollywood imagination.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

In Him,
Em

The Heart of a Counselor

Have you ever experienced one of those seasons in your life when you know without a shadow of a doubt that you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be?

I am joyously experiencing one of those very seasons.

As I have started school again, it's amazing to me how quickly I've gotten back into the routine: study, eat, study, gym, study, sleep, study, have a small semblance of a social life, study, and repeat!

Many people have asked what exactly it is that I'm going back to school for. In a very uncomplicated and short response, I will receive many of the foundational skills presented in counseling so I can integrate it into a ministry setting. I want to be able to really help those I come into contact with, and this is a great place to start. It has already been completely enlightening and eye-opening. I have discovered so much more about myself and about the amazing God I serve.

If you want to get me on a forever tangent, just ask me why I think counseling is even important. I know in many Christian circles it has not always been well received. So, if I may, humor me (or just choose to move right on away from this page!) while I list just a few reasons:

1) Counseling is Biblical - Reading through my texts, the themes of redemption, reconciliation, and healing jump out from so many of the pages. That, my friends, is the whole point of counseling, and it's also all over the Gospel. Counseling is meant to be a place to really work through many of the hurts and difficulties people face and discover the redemption, reconciliation, and healing given to us on that cross over 2,000 years ago. Ephesians tells us to bear each other's burdens and let me tell you, people carry a lot of weight. We are meant to be in community with one another. There is something so encouraging about sitting down across from someone and knowing that they truly care about helping you find the healing God has for you. I am also reminded that this world (including the very people I wish to help) are so affected by the fall. People go through many hardships and not all of those are a direct result of someone's sin; sometimes bad things just happen because we live in a fallen world. However, as Christians, we have hope. Hope can be that glimmer of light when everything else seems completely dark.

2) Counseling is Liberating - Some of you are rolling your eyes right now, and that's okay. But, I'm telling you, counseling was one of the most liberating experiences I've ever had. As I sat across the room from a wonderful woman named Kerry at Evangel University, I saw the love of Christ in a way that was completely refreshing to me. As I discussed many issues (and oftentimes with shame), Kerry listened with love and helped me really believe that I could find freedom in Christ again. She showed me that shame was a tool of the enemy and that God wanted more for me. Does counseling have all the answers to all of life's hardest questions? No. But, we serve a God who does. I have read time and time again of the importance of being Spirit-led, and I'm telling you, healing can and does happen when Christian counselors allow God to work.

3) Counseling is a Tangible Expression of God's Love - Does God need humans to do His work? No, but He chooses to use us. It is no different in the realm of counseling. God has made us to be relational beings who long for connection. Counseling can open that door. We are taught (even in the secular realm of counseling) to be empathetic, to actively listen, and to show people that they are being heard. Does this mean we don't challenge and try to help uncover Biblical solutions? Of course not. However, there is something to feeling understood and genuinely cared about. One of my least favorite questions has to do with whether or not I've prayed about something. Granted, I need the reminder from time-to-time. But in that moment, I just want someone to listen and hear me out. I don't need advice. I don't need to be told what to do. I just need someone to believe that I am a capable human being who can let God help her discover the best for her life. It's easy to offer quick fixes but making someone feel understood requires an investment. I have friends that are also counselors, and every time I finish talking with them, I feel refreshed, encouraged, capable, and challenged to continue working towards God's best for me.

I'm not saying counseling is an end all to the world's issues. I'm also not saying that there aren't some flawed and not Godly concepts out there. But if the Church isn't willing to reach out to the needs of a lost and hurting world, who will? Tangible expressions of love such as giving and serving are vital and important. However, I think we forget that sometimes people also just need authentic love. Counseling can open that door. Does it need to be Spirit-led? Yes. Does it make me want to have a deeper relationship with God? Yes. I have discovered a new love of God and His word through this program. I know my heart is in counseling, but I'm not going to be as effective as I need to be if I'm not diligently pursuing my relationship with Christ. Counseling isn't just about feelings (even though it's an important part); it's also about action. I for one feel honored that God thinks I'm up for this. I want to be a person available to talk about the hard issues no one ever talks about. I've heard so many stories (myself included) of people being afraid to open up about what they're struggling with. We keep it in the darkness so no one has to know our garbage. Then, the enemy comes in and wrecks it. Satan can't distort things in darkness if we let the light of Christ bring healing.

I know this was quite the tangent, and if you read it all, props to you! I still have a lot to learn and nowhere near think I know it all. I just know this world needs some more ears. It's time to talk about the hard stuff and remind people that they are never alone. This world needs its counselors.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,
Em

Unexpected Blessing

As I write this post, I have the most amazing view. The sun is starting to set on the Rocky Mountains, and I find myself just staring at their greatness and beauty. The remaining sunlight is breaking through the clouds that surround the peaks, and it is completely breath-taking.

God sure is creative.

This weekend, my family made the jaunt up to Colorado Springs for the wedding of my cousin Robby and his new wife Sterling. It was a beautiful ceremony.

The Springs hold a special place in my mom and I's hearts; she spent a lot of her childhood here, and I was born here. It has been fun to explore and listen to my mom tell her stories of her life here.

One of my favorite experiences took place yesterday while exploring a place called Palmer Park. While stopped at an overlook, there was something sticking out of a hole in one of the benches. As I walked over, I realized there was a note attached to an object. Upon further investigation, I discovered a beautiful bracelet with a note that read, "I don't know you, but I made this for you. Have a great day. :)" I don't know how long that bracelet had been sitting there or who placed it there in the first place. I do know this; it completely blessed me.

I am not sure if said stranger is a believer, but if not, they have a beautiful heart, and I wish I could only tell them in person how much their unexpected gift meant to me. I wish I could sit down with them, if they didn't believe in Jesus, and tell them about another completely unexpected gift found on a cross over 2,000 years ago. I wish I could give them a big hug and thank them for their kindness.

I wish.

This small, yet unexpected blessing has restored my hope in humanity. With as much craziness as our world is experiencing, it is so refreshing to be reminded of the potential placed in each and every life. I will cherish this bracelet forever and let it serve as a reminder of the kindness a stranger decided to bestow on a girl he/she had never met. I will let it continue to propel me forward into the calling God has placed on my life - to know Him and to make Him known.

If this stranger, whoever you may be, happens upon this blog post at anytime, thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your life to make this beautiful piece of jewelry. Thank you for writing that note and deciding to make someone's day. As trivial as it may seem, this small token of kindness has changed my life. I hope that I can one day bless someone as you have blessed me.

Let us not miss an opportunity to do something above and beyond. Even if you never see the fruit of your gift, you never know what kind of an impact it will have.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,

Em

A Tribute to Jim

As I've sat and thought over the last few days of what exactly I could say, I realized that words will never be adequate. Words will never take away the loss of a husband, father, grandfather, son, brother, and friend. However, I want to honor the man who has invested so much into my life over my last 23 years.

I have known the Majors' family as long as I can remember. I remember Pam and Jim attending my little brother's birthday parties and harassing my mother about being the size of the universe while being pregnant. I remember Jayson toting Alex and I to the zoo or McDonalds or letting me "drive" his truck. I remember the night Jim got saved and how Pam's years of praying had helped bring on a changed man. I remember Jim spending countless hours in our home fixing whatever needed to be taken care of. I remember the orneriness of Jim and his boys, but I also remember how unconditionally Jim loved. I remember him as just being a good man.

I remember the last time I gave Jim a hug and how tightly he squeezed me. I remember how much he loved his grand kids. I remember.

Jim left a legacy, and I for one am quite honored I had the chance to know him as long as I did. I know the loss I feel is only a fraction of the loss the Majors' family feels right now. As the days and weeks plow on, I pray that peace will just overwhelm their hearts and souls.

I am thankful I got to learn from him. I am thankful he is in heaven and will be waiting with great anticipation for when the rest of his family arrives.

So Jim, thanks for being you. It impacted this young life more than you'll ever know.

Reminiscing

Writing has always been extremely therapeutic for me, and this blog has been a wonderful place to work through the many thoughts of this crazy woman.

The past few weeks have been filled with constant nostalgia (including listening to old Backstreet Boys...Lord, help me!) and reminiscing about my Evangel days and the many wonderful friends I have had the opportunity to get to know in the two years since graduation. It has also been filled with thoughts of the upcoming transition barreling my way in roughly 25 days.

Let me just tell ya, it can be a little overwhelming!

I have always said I have the best friends in the whole wide world, and I sincerely believe it. God has richly blessed me in that department, and I am eternally grateful.

For the most part, the friends closest to my particular phase of life live in far off locations. Sometimes, it flat wears on this girl's heart. Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful people right here at home, and I am so  thankful for that. It's just such a treat to pick up the phone and chat with someone who completely understands right where I am at and exactly how I am feeling.

On top of it, I leave the good 'ol District Office at the end of this month to embark on a whole new chapter known as graduate school. I often ponder my own insanity at my utter excitement and joy about starting school again, but I know it's where God is calling me. However, I also face mixed emotions as I prepare to leave the office that has been a second home for me the past two years. I met one of my dearest friends at that office and have gained so many more wonderful friends through working there. On top of it, I gained about four moms who have not only made sure to harass me but also invested in me and my future. In looking back, I have really seen the impact they made on my life. I won't ever forget that. They have helped make me the person I am today.

I know each season serves its purpose, and I have definitely seen the fruits of the past two years. I have grown, I have changed, I have been strengthened. I know this next season will bring so many more unanticipated times of growth and excitement. I'll graduate the same time as two of my dear friends, and it is exciting to have people on this particular journey with me. (I actually get to graduate WITH one of them! Holla!) And who knows where life will lead me after next June. It's been one exciting ride, and I can't wait to see what is next on this crazy adventure God is taking me on.

So tonight as I sit at this computer, I think back on times spent with some of the best friends in the world. I think back on an office that has truly shaped and prepared me for ministry in ways I never dreamed or imagined. I also look ahead to the next step and the great adventure it is sure to be.

I sure am thankful for a God who walks every road.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." - Psalm 28:7

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Until next time,
Em

A New Journey

Well folks, it is official. I am now a grad student at good 'ol Regent University. WEIRD! (Hopefully no one from the university will see my use of the fake word "ol.") I received my official phone call last Thursday and my letter via email today. I even sent them my non-refundable deposit! It seems a little surreal after all the time I have spent thinking about it. However, August 2013 starts a whole new adventure for me, and this is one I am really stinking excited about.

With the start of graduate school, my time at the District Office will officially come to a close. (I'm sure I will post more on that as the time approaches.) When I leave at the end of July, I will have been here for almost two years. My time here has taught me a lot, and I have made several life-long connections and friends. For this, I am forever thankful.

I have felt nothing but love and support since I first started on this new journey of pursuing a Master's Degree. From the GRE to my admissions interview, I have been encouraged and uplifted even in moments of nervousness and doubt. I know this is what God is calling me to, and I eagerly anticipate seeing how it will unfold in future steps. For now, I am just enjoying the unexpected ride.

As I am filled with such excitement and anticipation, I am also carrying a heavy heart. These past few months have seemed to carry with them a lot of tragedy. As I have watched one of my dearest friends these past few weeks begin to sort out what will be her new normal, I am reminded that everyone walks a different path and has a different journey. Some of our journeys, however, aren't of our own choosing. Over these past few weeks, I have often found myself asking God, "Why? Why God? Why do these things happen?"

Man, am I thankful I serve a God who can handle all my questions.

Even though I don't understand why everything happens, I do know that I serve a God who is bigger than any hardship and any road less traveled. I know He walks side-by-side with each one of His kids and takes their hands to guide them on.

And this very promise offers me hope.

If I have learned anything over my last 23 years of life, God is much more about the journey than He is the destination. Thank goodness He walks every last possible journey with us - even the ones that make absolutely no sense.

So, I walk into the next few months extremely excited and extremely aware of the ever present necessity of a God who walks every road.

I pray that no matter your journey, you will feel the God of peace take every last step with you.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

In Him,
Em

James

No, the title of my blog is not some ominous way of telling you all about the special man in my life. This James, however, has completely changed and challenged everything about how I do life. This James lived in a very different time. This James died for that which he so strongly believed in.

This James was Jesus' brother.

It is well past my bedtime, but I have just completed the homework for Beth Moore's study on the book of James. I am bursting. The study is called "Mercy Triumphs," and I not only encourage, but I implore you to get your hands on this study and dig into the convicting and irreplaceable truths. Over the past seven weeks, God has done a great amount of surgery on me. As grotesque as that may sound, I can think of no other way to phrase it.

But this "surgery" has done a complete lift on my spiritual life, and it is one I could not be any more thankful for.

As I learned about the man James and read his very convicting epistle, there were a few things that stood out to me:

1) It wasn't until James stood at the empty tomb of Jesus that James realized that his half-brother was really who he said he was all along - the savior of the world. In one of the passages we read in Acts, it almost seemed as though James and the other siblings of Jesus mocked him. However, when James discovered the saving grace in the man he called brother, he took a hold of that truth and ran with it with all his might.

2) He knows how to tell it like it is. All of my closest friends are extremely blunt, and I love it. As I poured over the book of James, I found myself being reminded of so many practical yet imperative principles that were told in a very straight-forward manner. Do I watch my tongue? Do I let praise and cursing come out of my mouth? Do I believe that Jesus is who He says He is? Do I ask for the wisdom that can only come from God? Do I show favoritism? Do I extend the love of Christ to the orphan and the widow, to the homeless and the poor? Do I forget about my own will and surrender to the will of the one who knows best? Do I consider the source of my frustration? Do I consider it pure joy when I face trails of many kinds? The answer to all of these questions and so many more that James stirred within me is no, I don't always. However, you better believe I am making a conscious effort to try with all of my might. From the very begining of this study, Beth Moore challenged us to not just be "touched" by this series but to truly be "changed."

3) James lived out his faith. Over and over again, I was reminded that my faith without works is dead. I still hold to the standard that no work I could ever do will save me. I am saved by the grace of God alone. However, how could I have this life-changing experience and not want to walk it out? How could I not want to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a lost and dying world around me? James lived his life in the hot spot. Jerusalem was not a very friendly place to the Christian movement of the early church, but James knew his mission was to tell that Jewish community about Christ and the saving work He did on that cross. James eventually died for that cause. Do I have the kind of faith that James had?

This series is only just beginning to seep into the pores of my spiritual skin. However, I am reminded yet again that those words were not just written on a page 2,000 + years ago; they are living and active today. As I did this study, I almost felt like James was speaking right to me. I am so thankful that man penned those words.

I don't know if there is more to this post than just pure reflection. Let's face it though, if I would have tried to hand write it all in my journal, my hand may have fallen off due to cramping so thanks for letting me take up some space on the inter web.

I have also been challenged to really invite God into my Bible reading times. I know that may sound dumb, but I have found it so easy to get caught in the trap of routine. I wake up, read my four chapters, eat my cereal, and go to work. But do I really let myself be changed by what those words say?

As much as I truly appreciate Beth Moore and all she does and teaches, she is not with me every time I open the Word. However, the Holy Spirit is. As I delve into the words that so deeply apply to my life today, I want to be continually changed. I want to have the wisdom from above to receive what God wants me to learn. I don't want to just read black ink on a page; I want to be transformed by the writing God is continually etching on my heart.

This may officially be the most random (and not completely grammatically accurate) post I have ever written. However, I just had to write out these reflections. If nothing else, I challenge you to ask God to give you fresh eyes to read His word. I have read the book of James countless times. However, I have never had it hit me over the head in such a way as it did these last seven weeks. That is the cool thing about God and His word; there will always be something more we can get out of it.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em

Overcome

It has been one jam-packed month that has consisted of the following: study time, gym, more study time, work, friends, family, church, youth functions, sleep, more study time, more gym time, etc...you get the gist.

I'm two weeks out from taking this oh so exciting GRE, and with 20 hours of study time already under my belt, I'm starting to feel a little more prepared. If you would've told me two years ago that I would be dedicating every spare moment (let alone well over 20 hours) to studying for a grad school entrance exam, I would've laughed in your face. Hard. Oh the irony of how God works.

God knows that I'm a words of affirmation person. (Let's just be honest, I think I have all five love languages all the time.) Of course He knows, He is the one who created me. In creating me this way, God has also seen fit to surround me with lots of encouraging friends, especially as I've decided to continue my journey into education. I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've heard statements like, "You're going to rock this test," or "You're extremely smart. Of course you're going to blow this thing out of the water." Every time I hear this, I can almost picture myself having a Rocky Balboa moment. I can now enter the GRE boxing ring of life and happily give it a nice little KO. (I sure hope I got that boxing analogy right. If not, hopefully you get the point.)

However, even though the words surrounding me (and oh so wonderful gifts like Starbucks gift cards) are phenomenal encouragements, the greatest motivational tool I have in all this is the good 'ol Bible. Ever since I was a little kid, Philippians 4:13 has been something I could recite like my ABCs: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." What a simple yet incredibly profound statement, especially in this particular season of life.

In leading worship for the kids, God has prompted me on several occasions to remind them that our great God can help overcome any obstacle, mountain, or hurdle. It's something I've often had to remind myself of and something I hope sticks with them as they journey on through middle school, high school, college, and the adult world. My current mountain isn't life-threatening or dangerous, but it definitely has the element of uncertainty.

My current mountain is this test. I hate tests. With every fiber of my ever-loving being. I haven't thought about quadratic formulas or Pythagorean theorems for well over six years. However, I know that God has called me to this. He wants me in grad school. He wants me to pursue a Master's of Arts in Human Services Counseling, and I know He will give me the strength I need to pass this particular test with all the flying colors I will need.

So I encourage you. Your mountain may look really scary. Your hurdle may seem insurmountable. But God can and will give you the strength you need to overcome. Tests come in many different forms and are often much more daunting than this one currently facing me. However, I fully believe that God continually gives us the tools and encouragement we need to pass whatever tests come our way with flying colors.

God's always for you. Who can be against?

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Until after the GRE,
Em

The Tides are Turning

We are only six short days away from my favorite holiday....CHRISTMAS!! My Spotify playlist has been running through some of my favorite artists every day while I sit at work. Let me just tell you, sorting mail becomes so much more enjoyable whilst listening to Christmas songs.

The transition into this season is always one of my favorites. There are lights to see, Christmas cookies to decorate and eat, gingerbread houses to make, presents to wrap, and most importantly, this is a time to celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world.

I've mentioned before that I've felt God stirring another transition in my own heart since June. I just haven't been quite sure what this transition may look like until recently. Last week, I had the wonderful opportunity to catch up with a fantastic friend who is a grad student at Regent University in Virginia. As we caught up on the past several months of life, she again (this is not the first time she has made such a suggestion) mentioned that I should consider getting a Master's in some sort of counseling field. Up until a year ago, I had always been completely ANTI grad school. That's another thing I can add to the list of things I am now doing that I told God I would NEVER do. Man, what a sense of humor that guy has. Anyway, as she talked about the possibility, I got really excited about the idea.

You see, I've been telling God for the last several months that when He wanted me to transition, He was going to have a put a big 'ol neon flashing sign in front of my face. I had no idea what He wanted me to do next, and I was just holding to the dream He has given me to travel and speak to women all over everywhere. However, throughout the past several months, I have felt God tell me that whatever I do next will further prepare me for the ministry He has called me to.

What better way to become more equipped than heading back to school.

I have always had a heart for counseling. In being a pastor, I kind of feel like it comes with the territory. However, I in no way feel prepared to "counsel" someone if they came to me with an extremely serious life situation. So, the more I've thought and prayed about it, getting a Master's feels like my neon flashing sign. In light of the recent tragedy in Connecticut, I've realized how desperate our hurting world is for the love of Jesus. Coupling my love of people with a background in counseling feels like the right move to better aid the lost and hurting world around me. I want nothing more than to be as effective as possible, and I really feel like this next step will open up a whole new world to me.

So, I'm doing it. I'm going back to school. I've requested information, and I am beginning the ever tedious search for which program seems like the best fit for what I ultimately want to do (whether online or at an actual campus). I've got a pretty good idea of the one that sounds absolutely fantastic, but I know that may change as the process continues.

It's amazing to me how God works, and I'm really excited for this next step. Who knew? I'm actually excited to go back to school.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

I'll keep you posted on the process as it goes along!

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em

Falling into Change

Now that I am no longer a student, fall has become one of my favorite times of year. I love watching the leaves change colors, and the humidity drops significantly making Emily's curly mop of hair very happy. With the start of fall, I also know that my beloved Christmas is fast-approaching. I could literally listen to Christmas music all year, but I fear for my life seeing as my family doesn't really enjoy my obsession with the yule-tide carols. However, I am getting ahead of myself. It's still only October.

The different seasons have always triggered a sense of change. As it gets colder, we don scarves, boots, and hats to keep our little bodies nice and warm. For those of you who know me well, my favorite apparel in the fall and winter months is a sweatshirt with some oh so trendy sweat pants. I know, I know, I'm a trend-setter extraordinaire. For many people, change can be rather intimidating and scary. Being the crazy dare-devil that I am, change has always excited me.

As I look around my immediate world, I see change all around me. In the past several months, I've had friends move, friends get married, friends get pregnant, have babies, etc. You get the picture. Change is everywhere. The one change that I get asked about the most is when I'm going to change my last name. I, of course, just smile and grin assuring the concerned parties that when the Lord is ready to bring Mr. Right into my life, I am ready. However, until that time, my 23-year-old (and not 203) self will enjoy the wonderful season known as being single. The one change I have been dying for more than anything is a change of scenery.

I have been back in Wichita for well over a year, and let me just tell you, it has been a wonderful time. I have made so many new friends and gotten reacquainted with so many old. I know that God placed me here for a very specific time and purpose. Looking back, I've loved every minute of it. However, the fast-paced girl within me is ready for a change.

As I've pondered what change really means, I am brought back to the book I am reading right now for my Bible study: Lioness Arising. Being the future-oriented person I am, I have always struggled with living in my present (I have discussed this before in previous postings), because I am ready for the exciting changes that I know will come in the next several years. However, God has given me a new challenge for the here and now: be the change you wish to be in the world around you and in what you see. In Lioness Arising, Lisa Bevere talks about being on the hunt for the lost and hurting in our immediate and darkened world. The more I've allowed God to open my eyes, the more I see how much hurt I am surrounded by living in mid-western Wichita, Kansas. In a much more eloquent way than I am about to write, Lisa talks about looking not only to heaven but looking around at our immediate world. She talks about ways we can help restore what has been demolished while looking ahead to the glorious hope we are promised in living Christian lives. In doing this, we also need to instill the truth of who God is and what He says.

And it hits me. Emily, change is waiting all around you. It's time for you take part.

I get the privilege (yes, privilege) of working with teenagers on a very regular basis. In working with them, God has given me a platform to begin doing work in women's ministries. Do I really see these girls who walk in the door of our youth room? Do I really try to be actively involved in the change God wants to bring in their lives? Are my eyes opened to the present calling God has given me?

In the past few months, I can happily say the answer to all those questions is a resounding yes. I am excited to be a part of the change God wishes to see happen in my here and now.

So, what is my point?

No matter what exciting things are in the future, be the change that the world around you so desperately needs right now. Open your eyes to the opportunities God is placing and has placed all around you. Be the change you wish to be in the world around you and in what you see.

I've also successfully completed all seven seasons of Boy Meets World in the past two-and-a-half weeks, so in the words of my beloved Mr. Feeny, "Do good."

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em

A Time of Reflection

I'm just warning you, as you read this, I will probably jump here, there, and everywhere. But I promise, as always, to hope to have a point.

It's been a while since the last time I've blogged, and God has been doing some crazy cool things in my life.

However, I've been too busy whining to see otherwise. Yes, whining. I will admit when I've been throwing myself a little pity party.

As most of you know, for the past few years I've been feeling a specific call and leading into women's ministry. I feel called to travel and proclaim the truth that so many women cannot navigate past their own bondage to see. And for the past several years, I've just anxiously waited.

There's problem number one - being anxious. In my mind, anxiousness correlates with worrying. I do believe a specific verse talking about not worrying about tomorrow yet over and over again, I find myself being anxious. Out of anxiousness, anger can creep up if not cautious. I've been at my job for a year, and God has been stirring my heart more and more to this passion He's given me.

So here I am. Waiting. And whining.

"God, you've given me this desire and dream, and everywhere I turn there seems to be NOTHING available."
"My dear child, why can't you just trust me? Why can't you be happy in your present? Why can't you do what I've called you to do right now?"

Well, God just has an excellent way of asking us the greatest of questions in which my responses go something like this: "Hm, well, good point. Don't know. Thanks for the spiritual smack."

In speaking with a good friend the other night, I was reminded that there are opportunities to minister to women all over this wonderful (yes, I called Wichita wonderful. Don't die of a heart attack.) city I live in. It's called volunteering. We have shelters, we have homes, we have so many opportunities that I've been too busy ignoring because I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel like God was using all of my skill sets. Hello. I haven't really looked all that hard. So I've been challenged to look into some of these places that need people to volunteer their time and heart to minister.

For some time, I've felt that whatever God called me to do next would prepare me for what I feel is my God-given desire. But why can't I start now? Why can't I go out and speak truth and life into women who live not 15 minutes away? Oh wait, there's no reason I can't.

It's funny how so many times we spend so much time looking at ourselves that we forget to look up.

"But God, why can't I do that? God, what about me?"

I'm feeling more and more challenged to just remember that it is ALL about Him.

In my Bible study, we are reading a book called Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. If you are a lady and have not read this book, GET ON IT! I feel more and more passionate because it's opening my eyes to see beyond my small scope. What can I do in my city, in my state, in my world?

It's really easy for me to get so stuck on the big picture that I forget that God has something for me right now.

And again, I was reminded of God's sovereignty in my life. This weekend, I had the great opportunity to go with our youth group to World's of Fun in Kansas City. I got to walk around with some of the greatest girls ever. Well, during this lovely trip, I was able to ride my favorite ride of all time. The Mamba. It brings me never-ending joy (until I get sick, of course). Well, after getting off this ride, I discovered my bag containing my iPhone, debit card, keys, etc. had been stolen. Gone. Snatched. Not to be seen. However, instead of panicking, I just felt peace and the urgency to pray. So I did. And I prayed. One of our other youth sponsor guys graciously walked around with me desperately looking for this horribly colored purple and teal bag (don't judge, it's all I had at home). As I was walking, I felt compelled to look at this diner right by the Mamba. As I turned my head to the edge of the diner, there was my bag. On the ground. Opened. Stuffed with a bunch of leaves. Everything still there. Whoever took my bag had opened my wallet and pulled out my debit card leaving it on top. I did later discover they blessed themselves with a $3 slice of pizza, but hey, I will HAPPILY take that outcome. All of my stuff was still there which is so miraculous. And in that moment I was reminded of one very simple truth; God is still sovereign. So why do I feel the need to complain? Why do I find myself stuck in sometimes very negative attitudes? As most of you know, I'm so happy it drives people nuts on occasion. So this nagging and negativity just DRAINS the ever-loving life out of me. But it is because satan (I still refuse to capitalize his name) wants me to lose sight of my purpose and my perspective - bringing glory and honor to the name of Jesus Christ in whatever and however He asks me to do so.

I know this has been one jumbled train of thought, but it is a thought I felt impressed upon to share. We serve a big God. Let's just not lose sight of what a big God does in the seemingly menial and small.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em

Memorial Day Bliss

This past weekend could not have been any more perfect. I was once again surrounded by some of my favorite people in the entire world. I got to hug the necks of those I haven't seen in over a year. I even made a new friend.

I am blessed.

As I arrived in Baltimore on Thursday evening, my anticipation was mounting. As I walked out of my gate, the wonderfully familiar face of Laurisha Cotton greeted me. I wanted nothing more than to squeal with joy, but I figured the airport personnel may not like that too much. After a year, I finally got to hug the neck of one of my best friends.

The next day, I got to see a friend I've only spent the span of a week with. Steph is a dear friend I made while in Romania last year, and it is so wonderful to see how God has completely orchestrated every bit of our friendship. I loved being able to hang out with her in a place where everyone speaks English. :)

In the following days, I was reunited with many more of the people who made Evangel what it was for me - home. As I traipsed about DC, played in the water, and hiked my little heart out, I was reminded of why I love these people so much.

On this trip, I also got to pay tribute to a fallen friend. Arlington was flooded with so many people on the weekend of remembering, but I was thankful and honored to have the chance to go and sit at the marker of 1st LT. David Johnson. Nothing but pride bubbled in my heart. He really is a big deal.

I have stories and memories that will last a life time. I'm thankful that no matter what distance there may be, the strength of a relationship doesn't have to change. In fact, most of them have become even stronger.

I cannot even wait until the next time I get to see these amazing people.

So to all my friends, both here at home and far away, thank you for being who you are - absolutely wonderful. I love you guys.

Until my next ramble,
Em

One Year

One year.

This Friday marks one year since I graduated from college. Wow. Tomorrow I drive up (or over) to Springfield to watch the commencement ceremonies for the class of 2012. Most of the remainder of my close friends from college will take their turn walking across the stage. I'm already beaming with pride. (Yes, I am like a mother. It happens to the best of us!)

Many of these beloved friends have shared hopes, anxieties, dreams, questions, etc...pretty much any thought that passes through one's head before graduating. As they share the plans and purposes they feel called to, I can't help but think back over my life this past year.

Plans and dreams are wonderful, wonderful things. As has been the case in my life, God is taking me on a much different path to get to these dreams. Let me tell ya, I am so thankful that He is. I am gaining so much needed experience in ways that I never even dreamed of...never even thought of. But isn't that the beauty of God? His plan far surpasses any that we have for ourselves.

God is teaching me to be faithful in the small. When I graduated, I had a much different plan for myself...this plan certainly did not involve working at the District Office for the Kansas Assemblies of God. I was going to be off running around the world by this point. However, I am so thankful that God led me here. There is a whole lot that I didn't know, and I'm so glad God gives time of preparation and rest. I'm glad God is a God of growth. There has certainly been a lot of that since I left the confines of my beloved Evangel. Being where I'm at is beginning to open doors that are leading to my passions, my hopes, and my dreams for the future.

The winds of change are blowing, and I feel mounting anticipation. God is continually preparing my heart for the dreams He has given me...for the plans He has for my life. I'm also thankful that God is a God of confirmation. A few weeks back, our children's pastor shared something I will never forget...a message straight from the Lord. God told her to pass along to me that I am on the right track. GLORY! Oftentimes I find myself wondering, "God, am I doing what I'm supposed to be? Am I listening to you? Am I following your plan?" This was exactly the answer I've been searching for. She also told me that I need to be cautious of the thousands of voices in my head. As long as I keep my eyes fixed on Him, the perfect and unique plan He has for my life will be carried through to full fruition. (I took SOME liberty in the word choice there, but that is the jist.) I'm glad God uses other people to confirm answers to many (not all) of life's questions.

I'm also glad that God provides ministry partners. A dear, dear friend of mine received a vision back in October. This vision was a DIRECT confirmation of everything I have been feeling in my heart over the past couple of years. (Ask if you want the full story!) The funny thing about this confirmation is that I hadn't shared most of what she shared with me from this vision. But EVERYTHING she said, God had been stirring in my heart. It's nice to know that your dreams aren't crazy. :) It's nice to know God puts people on your path that can share in the journey with you...people that can share in your dreams.

I have no idea how God will work anything out, but I am so thankful for how He has worked out the past year. I'm no longer afraid to dream a God dream, but I am also a lot more willing to be patient as He works out every detail. It's nice to know that someone who knows much better than me is in control of my future.

A year ago, I was a little freaked out. Today, I am hopeful. I am eager. I am ready. I am waiting. Today, I am dreaming a God dream.

Until my next ramble,
Em

What I Don't Know

In the past few weeks I've learned something very valuable: there is a lot I don't know.

At this time last year, I was roughly 2 1/2 months away from graduating. While in Romania, God stirred my heart and began to give me additional dreams of traveling and doing ministry for women in the States and overseas. I was going to send out resumes...I was going to get plugged into one of these so called ministries. I was going to go.

But God had another plan, and boy am I glad He knows me better than I know myself.

God called me home. Lo and behold, a year later, I am heavily involved in Evangel's (my church is also the name of my college...not trying to confuse anyone!) youth ministry which I never even dreamed. God placed in my heart a desire to get involved this summer, and I have found a new love for teenagers that I never EVER thought I would have. I am helping take on some of the preaching responsibilities and getting to help lead the worship team as our youth pastors have been called on to lead a church in New Jersey. I am under some really incredible leadership. We have a great couple (who I also get to work with at the District office) leading this transition time and whether or not these two know it, they are facilitating a great place for me to learn.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am called into full-time, 100%, full blown ministry. I know that God has given me a lot of dreams and desires (especially to travel and speak), and I am really excited to see how that all pans out. I also know that there is a lot I don't know. God has placed me where I am for a reason, and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for teachers and people willing to invest in my spiritual, emotional, and mental growth. I am thankful for learning. I am thankful that God kept me from diving head first into full-time ministry because I was/am not ready yet. I am thankful for experience and opportunity to show me how to become a better pastor and a better person.

There are a few things God has really instilled in me, and I want to share them with you all:

1) Don't ever stop being teachable. As a young, fresh out of college kid, it was very easy for me to think I had a handle on what God wanted out of me and where I was going to go. Boy did I (and I still do) have a lot to learn. In Proverbs it says "a wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel." I never want to get to the point where I think I have nothing left to learn. I will ALWAYS have something to learn, somewhere to improve. God has surrounded me with some amazing mentors and people who have been in ministry much longer than I certainly have. What an amazing opportunity to learn and grow.

2) Don't be so stuck that you miss out on a God opportunity. Many of you know that I swore off youth ministry at a very early age. Teenagers drove me nuts (and sometimes still do, but hey, I can't help but love 'em), and I wanted no part in their development. Well, thankfully God helped me get over myself and showed me what a great opportunity I had before me. I get to invest in a group of young people. I get to pour into their lives, and they in turn pour into mine. God is showing me His faithfulness and grace through these students' lives, and that is something I am so thankful for. They are teaching me every day, and I am thankful.

3) Trust in God's good and perfect will for your life. Where I am at right now was not in my plan, but I am so glad it was in God's. I am so glad that He knows exactly where I need to be, and I pray that I trust in that every day of my life...no matter where He tells me to go or how He tells me to move. I don't want to get caught up in my own agenda...I want to be caught up in His will. I know that God has given me some grand dreams and desires, and I believe He is working out those dreams in the way He sees best. I know His plan far exceeds my own. I know it's not about me...it's about Him.

I am being bombarded with knowledge. You know, college taught me a lot, but there is something about experience.

I don't know it all, and I am so thankful I don't. But I am excited to keep learning. In 10 years from now, I want to be able to look back at my life and say that I never quit being teachable. I never got stuck. I trusted in God's good and perfect will for my life.

I still believe I am in for the ride of my life. God is mapping out His perfect plan for me.

Thanks for letting me ramble! (Not like you really had a choice, but thanks for reading!)

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em

An Honored Hero

This weekend I made the trek to Mayville, WI with friends Amy and Dan to honor not only a soldier, but a son, a brother, and a friend. A co-worker suggested I blog about the experience of this weekend, and I think that is a really good idea. Words can't possibly encapsulate everything felt and shared this weekend, but I will certainly give it a try.

I didn't quite know what to expect. I've been to plenty of funerals but not for anyone this age...and not for anyone that I really knew like I knew David. David and I were buddies in college. We were on Crosswalk together (which is Evangel's student ministries board). We both worked in the office, and I saw him on pretty much a daily basis. My friend Amy and I spent the majority of our time hacking into his Facebook, hiding his stuff, and just being flat out silly. But, he loved it, and he loved to do it right back. David almost functioned as our big brother, and boy did he get under our skin. However, at the end of the day, you couldn't help but love him.

The community was absolutely incredible. At almost every turn, there was a yellow ribbon honoring David. His name could be seen across many store fronts and signs. Not only was Mayville proud of their son, but the surrounding towns were as well. This community is a family, and they rallied behind the Johnsons in a way that I've never seen before. They carried the burden with them. They reminded me of what the body of Christ should really look like and how it should function. They were extensions of His hands and feet.

This weekend as we reminisced, we definitely felt nothing but love for our friend. We remembered all the times he frustrated us, but more importantly we remembered all the times he made us laugh. Thousands of people walked through that kid's visitation. Thousands. Way to go, David. Way to make an impact.

At his visitation, all the pictures of him just showed his zest and love for life. He looked like such a goober in the majority of his pictures, but that is the David we will remember and love. Also on display were all of the medals he was awarded. He was awarded the Purple Heart, the Bronze Star, and a few other medals. I'm so proud of him. What a huge honor. He was only over there a month, but the impact and leadership he left will go with his family for a lifetime.

There were lots of tears shed for a friend who left too soon. David's mom said that she may not understand, but she trusts in Him. While her son's "vessel was broken and smashed, he is now whole with God." It's words like these that remind me of the hope there is in Christ...the hope we have for eternity spent with Him. His family stood strong in the face of adversity and recounted the life of someone they all hold so dear. His sister Emily touched my heart the most as her broken heart was laid out before us. He definitely left a hole.

The services ended with us going to the Mayville Veteran's Memorial Park where David was presented with the 21 gun salute and a Black Hawk fly over. The American flag was also awarded to his mom. Amy and I joked that David always told us (and everyone he knew) that he was a big deal and the coolest person we knew. Lo and behold, he really was a big deal. He was a big deal because of how he lived his life for Christ. God used him to lead so many others back and to the Lord for the first time. David's mom shared testimonies of the light people had seen in his life. David was a big deal because he decided to let God be a big deal in and through him. I couldn't be more proud of my friend.

It's been almost a year since the last time I saw him, but I will carry the many memories into the future. He showed me what it means to live.

I love you, David Johnson. Thanks for showing us what it means to be like Christ. You'll always be a big deal to me.

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em