Waiting

Anxiousness. Anticipation. Monotony. These are all words that have encompassed my vocabulary for the past couple of months. My to-do list for work is a mile high, but before I'm going to be able to be 100% productive (as I most definitely need to be), there's a ramble that's been building up in me for quite some time.

I feel like I am in one of the most awkward transition stages of my life. I get up, go to work, come home, do random things, and go to bed. I wake up the next day and do it all over again. Granted, my weekends are usually never spent at home, but I have felt such a sense of routine that it's making me a little stir-crazy. (Warning: transparent blog post ahead that will probably have no rhyme or reason.)

I am spontaneous and an adventurer at heart. I have always loved being outdoors, traveling, and meeting new people. I appreciate structure but love the freedom to go wherever my heart desires and at any given time (something that being single helps with).

I want more.

Being back in Wichita has been great for many reasons. I have loved being able to spend some good time with my family, re-connecting with old friends and making new, and being able to save up some money as I'm trying to pay off school.

However, I can't help but dream about the future. God has made me the way I am for a reason and being a dreamer has always been a part of that equation. For those of you who don't know, my heart's dream for awhile has been to travel and do conferences (specifically geared towards women) and continue being involved with inner-city in some shape or form. Lately, it's all I've thought about. I cannot wait to see how God grows and develops this (and completely changes it from anything I've ever imagined). At work we have been reading a book called "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, and it speaks of circling your dreams and God's will for your life in prayer. (There's a lot more to it, but that's a post for another day). In this, I have been reminded of not only the power but the absolute necessity in a continuous and intentional prayer life. I have been reminded that God is not afraid of my dreams...He's given me bold ones for a reason.

While being in Wichita, God has challenged me more and more to consistently and fervently seek after Him with all that I have and all that I am. Every time I really seek Him, it's amazing how life just seems to fall into place in ways that I never even imagined. It's funny, God generally shows me what I needed in that moment before I ever knew what I needed. So here I am...waiting on the Lord as I continue to dream about the future. The next few months will be exciting in that I get to be even more involved in our youth group as we transition out of having our current youth pastor. As our current pastors move on to God's next chapter for them, I am excited to be a part of investing and helping to develop these teenagers lives.

However I am also reminded (even more so after reading my friend Sarah's blog) that I am not waiting for my life to start even though I feel like I am in a rut of epic proportions. To be honest, being single hasn't even been something that I've dwelt on in this waiting phase. Oh sure it comes up from time to time, but I am joyful that God is growing and developing me as a young, single woman. I am loving it. The waiting I speak of this time is in what lies ahead...the dreams God has so heavily placed in my heart. But I am reminded that God has me where I am for a reason. People keep telling me to not let myself get too comfortable, and believe you me, I feel anything but comfortable. I just feel flat out anxious. But God keeps gently (so glad He's patient) reminding me that He is teaching me, equipping me, and chipping away at so much that I'd never really let Him take care of before. The dreams I have are God-sized, and only He can can make them what they are meant to be. As this time in my life is a hard one, I know that it will be a time I look back on and see so much growth. I know that God's hand is ever present, and I want nothing less than to seek Him and His desires for my life both present and future. His joy and peace are what I yearn for. He is all I want and need.

In a previous posting (though I can't remember which one for the life of me), I mentioned feeling as though God was preparing me for spiritual boot camp. Well, glad God likes to give a heads up because it has been an intense few months. However, I hold on to the promises not only for the future but for today. I don't know how God will take my life, but I know He wants to teach me something today...He wants to use me now and not just in five to ten years.

As I continue to wait upon the Lord, I pray for a renewed sense of peace as I trust that He is orchestrating something far greater than I could have ever imagined.

That is a long enough ramble for now. Thanks for letting me spew random thoughts in any given direction.

Love you guys.

In Him,
Em